


Panic Button

by melonscythe



Category: Half Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware
Genre: (both of these are past applicable), Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Past Abuse, Past Neglect, Self-Discovery, Trans Male Character, Unfinished, mostly hcs n whatnot, this is entirely a past reflection centric thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-03
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:01:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26262331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melonscythe/pseuds/melonscythe
Summary: Forzen remembers things. Though, most of them....he wishes he really didn't.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 34





	Panic Button

**Author's Note:**

> this is entirely based off of hcs and fictive memories i have. fun times
> 
> this also has a giant trigger warning for the following:  
> child abuse  
> general abuse  
> neglect  
> alcoholism (mentioned/implied)
> 
> also this is real short.

You remember getting shot once. You can't remember who did it, or why, but the wound still aches after you do any activity for a long while. Maybe it was a misfire. Maybe you did it. You could've been disassociating, while a drill sergeant blared words at your..."troop" like a megaphone. Loud things are bad. Loud things started being bad then. Or maybe they've always been bad to you. Getting yelled at by your father-or mother? You couldn't remember-it always made your throat constrict, fearing the worst that would come. Words wouldn't and couldn't escape your mouth, tears would make your head spin with the effort of holding them in. 

You stopped being able to cry when you were what, 11? 10? Nothing would happen other than you being practically paralyzed. Teachers and other kids stopped asking why you kept showing up to school more quiet every day, a new bruise, scab, or scar somewhere. You stopped talking when you were 13. Words wouldn't make anyone understand, home or not. It wasn't until you met a certain someone online-usually something you would get yelled at for-that you felt like someone knew you existed, other than to be a punching bag, physically or as a target for insults. You still couldn't talk out loud, but text seemed to be more your forte. 

The person you met understood. They always went by some dumb screenname, changing it often to something even more absurd, but it always seemed to get a quiet laugh out of you. They'd play games with you, ones that always seemed to coincide with what you managed to steal from an older sibling (sometimes a friend of theirs, too) or store-barely any money in your house went to that. It went to...things. That were not games, nor anything really helpful to you. You'd be lucky to find any fresh food, either.

You were nearly 16 when they asked you to call them Benny one day. It was simple, (You didn't even know their name until then, actually.) just a word, just their name. They seemed nervous, replies carefully worded and a bit vague. You asked if they were alright. Asking this lead to you finding out what "transgender" meant, and learning something about yourself.

"Oh."  
You said that out loud to yourself. Realizing that you were a guy, that...whoever you were expected to be, wasn't....you, terrified you a bit. You started to cry a little, emotions welling up to make you silently sob for the first time in years. You didn't know why. It wasn't until Benny asked you if you wanted to go by a new name that the fog in your brain cleared.  
You were a bit embarrassed by your name at the time. "Forzen" isn't a conventional name, but it's yours. Yours to keep, yours to love.  
Benny liked it. Thought it was cool. Of course, you just mashed syllables together on the spot, but it meant that it was something you had created.


End file.
